Three reasons to hate Maito Gai
by New Warrior of Fire
Summary: Naruto has been assigned a mission that will pay 200 dollars. But to get his pay, he'll have to get something from Gai! Oneshot. Warning: Gai fans should not read


Naruto Uzumaki was standing at the door of the room he had been sent to, to receive his mission assignment. He was still thinking about what lady Tsunade had said to him that morning.

"_The client said he wanted to meet you in private, and that the circumstances were critical_."

"_I understand_." He had told her.

"_Are you sure you want to do this Naruto?"_

"_Yeah...I'm sure. Whoever needs me, I'll do anything I can to help them."_

Slowly, he opened the door. He wasn't ready for what happened, for what he saw, or what he heard.

"Hello Naruto!"

It was Lee, sitting behind a desk. He was the client.

"What?!" Naruto shouted. "You're not getting anything, douche bag!"

"But-

"Forget it!"

Naruto ran back toward the door, but Lee took a dive off the desk, grabbing Naruto around the knees and dragging them both down.

"PLEASE!" Lee yelled.

"Kiss my ass!" Naruto screamed kicking his legs away from Lee. He got up quickly, and ran to the door.

"I'LL DIE BEFORE I HELP-

"I will pay you two hundred dollars!" Lee said. Naruto froze.

"Are you in?" Lee asked.

"Hell yeah, I'm in!" Naruto replied. "Two hundred dollars means enough ramen to eat for an hour! What do you want me to do?!"

Lee got up. "I can not be at training tomorrow because of a previous engagement. If you can make a good excuse and get me a slip of excusal by the end of today, I will pay you two hundred dollars."

Naruto stared. "Why don't you just tell Gai-sensei you can't come?"

"That is a secret." Lee said defensively.

"Whatever." Naruto said. "I'll get your damn excusal slip."

"Great!" Lee said.

An hour later Naruto was on his way to Gai's house. He slipped from place to place as though he was stalking. He dashed behind a garbage can, accidently knocking it over.

"That can't be good." He said. Naruto started again, he tripped and skinned his knee.

"Agh! I need to patch myself up."

"Naruto!" Kiba's voice came through their com-link. He had agreed to be Naruto's watchman, for a cut of the pay.

"Stop quoting 'MERCINARIES!' Keep your eyes on the prize!"

"Oh, lighten up Kiba." Naruto retorted. "I'm just having some fun."

Before Kiba had a chance to make a comeback, Naruto heard another voice through the com-link. It was Hinata. "Hi Kiba." She said. "I was just going to get some ramen at Ichiraku's. Would you like to come?" She asked.

"Yeah… sure Hinata." Kiba said. He left his com-link behind.

"Way to keep your eyes on the prize, Kiba." Naruto said to the dead air. "I guess I'm on my own."

REASON 1.

Naruto put on the disguise he'd brought, and ran up to Gai's door and rang the doorbell. Gai opened the door. "Can I help you?" He asked.

"Uh, yes. Your student Rock Lee can't show up to training tomorrow, because he will be part of a large walk-out, protesting domestic violence against racial minorities." Naruto said in a stupid accent, thinking something that serious would get anyone out of training.

Gai frowned. "Well they'll just have to wait." Gai said. "Training comes first!"

Naruto was disgusted. "Well pleasure doing business with you." He said through his teeth, extending his hand to shake Gai's. Gai shook Naruto's hand. Before Gai could do anything, Naruto pulled him forward and kicked him as hard as he could between the legs, bringing Gai to the floor in pain.

"Asshole." Naruto muttered, walking away.

REASON 2.

Half an hour later Naruto had on a new costume and a new excuse that he thought was a failsafe way to get Lee out of training.

He went up to Gai's door and rang the bell again. Gai opened the door. "Do you need something?" Gai asked. This time with a new fake accent, Naruto said "Yes, hello. I just wanted to inform you that your student Rock Lee won't be at training tomorrow.

"And why not?" Gai demanded.

"Because he has broken every bone in his body and may never move again." Naruto said.

"Well I certainly hope he doesn't think he'll get out of training _just_ for that." Gai said, in dead seriousness.

Naruto was pissed, but he didn't do more than punch Gai in the face.

REASON 3.

Naruto's time, costumes and stupid fake accents were running out. He decided to just take one more go at it. If it didn't work this time, it wasn't worth another shot, even for two hundred dollars. Naruto went to the door and rang the bell a last time. Gai, who was now walking with a limp and had a band aid on the side of his face, opened the door. "What?" he said.

Naruto gave it all he had. "I'm sorry to tell you this but one of your students, Rock Lee, can not come to training tomorrow.

"And just why the hell not?" Gai said in exasperation.

"He has lost everything, turned to crime and drugs, been arrested and sentenced to twenty years in prison--"

"_And_?"

"He's gay, Rock Lee is gay." Naruto said blankly.

Gai was shocked. "Oh-I-well, uh-that's- um…

"Yes, I know this is a big surprise for you. What I don't know is why." Naruto said.

"Yes, well-I-I-just didn't expect-um…

"Now are you gonna sign him off or what? 'Cause if not your ass is as good as kicked."

"Huh? Oh! Right."

Gai quickly scribbled down a release form. "Give him this." Gai said. "It'll get him out of training."

Naruto took the form. "Well it's been great doing business with you, thank you for your time, I hope you burn in hell."

Naruto walked away. His mission completed.

On his way to get paid, Naruto saw Kiba leaning against a tree, gazing at the clouds. Naruto went over to him. "Thanks a lot partner! You walked out on me. You happy?" Naruto said.

"Yeah." Kiba replied, like he wasn't paying attention.

"Well while you were making out with Hinata, _I_ made two hundred bucks, bitch!"

Naruto ran of to get his pay.

"Good work Naruto!" Lee said when Naruto gave him the form. "Now I am free to get my manicure."

"What?!" Naruto yelled. "You put me through all that for a stupid manicure?! Why didn't you just tell Gai yourself?!"

"Because I would have looked gay." Lee said as though it were obvious.

THE END


End file.
